15 weeks, 5 months, and 7 years

I am 15 weeks pregnant today and I had a doctor's appointment on friday. Everything went well and baby looks good. This baby I have learned is either stubborn or just likes its picture taken. The doctor could not find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler in the exam room which I am sure you can imagine how frightening it was for me. He decided not to stress me out and took me to get an ultrasound done. He still had a hard time finding baby's heartbeat but baby was wiggling around. At last there it was plugging away at 164, a strong healthy heartbeat. (big sigh of relief) My next appointment is May 11th and they will do my mid pregnancy ultrasound....will it be a boy or a girl? I will be taking a poll a few days before my appointment. No prize just the satisfaction of knowing you are right.

Today is baby Hudson's five month birthday. Another month has come and gone. I am constantly thinking about what he would be doing now. Would he be rolling over, almost crawling, have any teeth? When I told Addy about the new baby she asked if it was baby Hudson. It is hard for her to understand that this is a different baby in mommy's belly.

7 years ago today my husband and I got married. Even though things are rough between us right now I still love him and think of today as a special day. We did spend some time together this afternoon and it was good. We got along well.

Today was full of special memories and I wouldn't change any of them, they have made me who I am and are shaping me into what I will become

The Rainbow After The Storm

O.K. so I guess I have kept this from my blogging friends long enough, although I am thinking that maybe I should have shared this before I shared my other news, but thats ok. Hudson, along with Emmaleigh, Addyson, and Landyn, is going to be a big brother. Our little "rainbow" is expected to arrive in late september or early october.
This is not the ideal situation for me right now but I am going with it. As expected there is some anxiety going into this and I have already been having some very realistic dreams about how things go wrong. My doctor, however, is determined to help set my mind (and probably his) at ease throughout this pregnancy. I am currently at the end of my first trimester. (13 weeks tomorrow) Once I get to 24 weeks he will start seeing me every two weeks and when I get to 32 weeks I have decided to just set up camp at the doctor's office. He will see me every week and I will have nonstress tests and ultrasounds 2 times a week.
The above ultrasound was done almost two weeks ago at 11 1/2 weeks.

Four Months Stronger

I realize it has been almost a month since my last post. It is not because I haven't had anything to post, but more so that I haven't wanted to write about what has been going on. Telling everyone about it means that it is real, and I didn't want it to be real. Now I have learned to accept that my situation is what it is and I have to make the best of it. By now I am sure you are wondering what exactly is my situation.
A couple months ago my husband informed me that he was considering filing for divorce. After talking with some friends and people from church, he agreed to try counseling together but never followed through. Three weeks ago he found his own apartment and moved out. It has been quite the roller coaster ride but I am thankful to have friends and family to help me get through.
The weather has been beautiful the last week and last Thursday Addy,Landyn and I made a trip to the cemetery to visit baby Hudson. I can't believe it has been four months. The nice weather has also stirred up everyone's allergies. I had some kind of sinus thing going on this weekend and Emmaleigh now has viral bronchitis. Landyn is also getting over some kind of cold thing. What a way to start off spring break.

The Bug!

Over the last week our house has been hit with various forms of the sick bug. Emmaleigh started off with Influenza B, followed by Addy with Strep Throat, and now today Landyn has Strep Throat. I think that Landyn has had it worse. His fever spiked to over 104 and is still having trouble keeping much down. He is so puny and pathetic.
For many reasons I am praying that this sickness skips over me. Aside from the simple fact that it is just no fun being sick, I really don't have time for it. Lucky for me though, strep throat tends to be my specialty.
The girls are continuing to do well in their new schools, but after some discussion with Addy's speech therapist and her preschool teacher, we have decided that it will be benificial for Addy to have another year of preschool before starting kindergarten. While she has made significant progress in the last couple months, she still is just not ready. It is also time to start thinking about sending Landyn to preschool next year.
We signed Emmaleigh up for softball last weekend and she is so excited about it. She can't wait until it actually begins. She also informed me she wants to do cheerleading and play soccer. I can see where this is headed. Since poor Addy doesn't have the coordination to play softball we are trying to find another activity for her. It seems as though she takes after her daddy and has taken to swimming quite well so that is probably the route we will pursue. Landyn is in love with any sport that involves a ball and has quite an arm on him. Fortunately I still have a couple years on him.
Now that I have a new keyboard that is not missing keys I am hoping to udate more often. (O.K. so maybe thats an excuse but I promise to make the effort)

Stepping Stones

I know it has been a couple weeks since I have posted anything. We got hit with a nasty snow/ice storm and now it is in the upper 50's. Addy had a good birthday party despite the weather. Emmaleigh spent the beginning of the week home sick. She was begging me to let her go back by wednesday.
We received our picture CD and DVD slide show of Hudson from our photographer. I was so excited to see them but I think I allowed myself to underestimate how hard it would truly be to see them. It has been three months today. I can't believe how quickly time has gone. I am stronger today than I was yesterday and I will be stronger tomorrow than I was today. God has brought many people into my life through this experience, and while I regret that we had to meet under these circumstances I am truly thankful for their friendship. I am also thankful for my family and friends who have been there through everything. I don't know where I would be without them. I Love you all.


Together We Walk the Stepping Stones
by Barb Williams

Come, take my hand, the road is long.
We must travel by stepping stones.
No, you're not alone. I've been there.
Don't fear the darkness. I'll be with you.

We must take one step at a time.
But remember, we may have to stop awhile.
It's a long way to the other side
And there are many obstacles.

We have many stones to cross.
Some are bigger than others.
Shock, denial, and anger to start.
Then comes guilt, despair, and loneliness.

It's a hard road to travel, but it must be done.
It's the only way to reach the other side.

Come, slip your hand in mind.
What? Oh, yes, it's strong.
I've held so many hands like yours.
Yes, mine was once small and weak like yours.

Once, you see, I had to take someone's hand
In order to take the first step.
Oops! You've stumbled. Go ahead and cry.
Don't be ashamed. I understand.

Let's wait here awhile so that you can get your breath.
When you're stronger, we'll go on, one step at a time.
There's no need to hurry.

Say, it's nice to hear you laugh.
Yes, I agree, the memories you shared are good.
Look, we're halfway there now.

I can see the other side.
It looks so warm and sunny.
On, have you noticed? We're nearing the last stone
And you're standing alone.
And look, your hand, you've let go of mine.
We've reached the other side.

But wait, look back, someone is standing there.
They are alone and want to cross the stepping stones.
I'd better go. They need my help.
What? Are you sure?
Why, yes, go ahead. I'll wait.

You know the way.
You've been there.
Yes, I agree. It's your turn, my friend . . .
To help someone else cross the stepping stones.

Happy Birthday Addy Bear!

The bear turned five today, I cant believe it has been that long. She had the nickname bear long before she was born, but it turns out it was a very fitting name for her. She was a very grumbly little baby, and can still be a very grumbly child.
She got to be the "Big Cheese" at school today. We made purple rice krispie treats for snack, took show and tell, and got to be the line leader. She was so excited.
We are having her party this coming sunday, providing that we are not snowed in.
We are expecting up to a foot of snow over the next couple days plus some ice. We also expecting high winds reducing visibility and making roads almost impossible to clear. I am so ready for nicer weather.

Back By Popular Demand

Ok, so maybe not popular demand but I have had a couple people ask when I was going to update my blog. The fact of the matter is, there just hasn't been a lot to write about. When I end up doing almost the same thing everyday, it is hard to come up with things to write about,nor have I had anymore entertaining "kidisms" to share. The past week has brought some challenges to my life but it also brought some answers to prayer!
My morning started off early. Landyn was wide awake at 6 a.m. and super cranky. I got the girls up and got them ready for school. Emmaleigh got on the bus at 7:45 and JR took Addy to school, while Landyn went back to bed. I could have gone back to bed with him but I was watching my neice for a little while.
At 10:30 I got a phone call from the school. I was really hoping they weren't calling to tell me Emmaleigh was sick. They weren't. It was the speech pathologist calling to see if I had forgotten about Addy's annual case conference. Oops! Indeed I had. I hurried to get ready and fortunately we only live a couple minutes from the school. I made it there by 10:50.
We discussed some of the changes we wanted to make to Addy's IEP and decided to add a couple goals as well as getting an OT evaluation for fine motor skills. Addy is doing really well in her new class and fitting right in. She is much happier!