Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Happy Birthday Hudson

November 14, 2010: The kids and I went to church. JR stayed home because he had worked the night before. Later that afternoon I went grocery shopping with my grandma and aunt.
November 15, 2010: Em had a dentist appointment and I took Addy to get her hair cut.
November 16, 2010: I spent the day doing laundry at my mom's because our washer was broken. Around 10 pm I began to have contractions.
November 17, 2010: 1 am: I called JR at work to let him know I was in labor. 3 am we arrived at the hospital. 3:20 am Our lives changed and our world was turned upside down when the doctor gave us the news. 5:05 am: Hudson Levi was born sleeping.
I have replayed these events over and over in my head trying to figure out if there was something I missed. Why didn't I notice something was wrong? While I remember these events so clearly the events after we got the news that he was gone are still a blur. The whole experience is still so surreal. Maybe it's better that way.
I think I allowed myself to understand the power my emotions would have over me the last few days. Part of me just wants to make the day go away but an even bigger part of me is excited to know that there will be a grand celebration in heaven.
We have made it a point to make this day special for the other kids. I think it is an important part of the healing process and they are excited about his "party" down here. Addy thinks we are having an actual party and has tried to invite everyone she knows. Emmaleigh has been writing letters and "helping" the younger kids write letters as well. I am amazed at some of the things her 7 year old mind comes up with. Here are some of the things she has written:
"happy birthday hudson. I love you Hudson. I miss you Hudson."
"God help Hudson I am good at school"
"I love you and miss you Hudson. You are a big brother. Our baby brother's name is Holden. He is cute and so are you. I will tell him about you."
(from Addy (but E wrote)) "I love you Hudson. I love God who you live with. I am your 5 year old sister Love Addy"
(from Landyn) "dear Hudson I like Munsters do you like Munsters (monsters)?"
Writing has become her outlet but I guess she gets that honestly.
Happy First Heavenly Birthday Hudson Levi!
Godspeed Little Man
Sweet Dreams Little Man
My love will fly
To You each night on angels wings
Godspeed, sweet dreams

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Welcome to the Holiday Season

With Thanksgiving less than a month away and Christmas less than two months away all I can say is Welcome to the Holiday season. All the stores have their Christmas displays out and have launched their Holiday ad campaigns. The last year has been one long roller coaster ride for us but I am excited about this Holiday season. For obvious reasons I was quite the bah humbug last year and couldn't seem to get into the Holiday spirit. While I tried to make the best of it for my children's sake it just wasn't the same. This year with my renewed sense of the Christmas spirit I am ready to take on the challenge of decorating the house, baking goodies for friends, family, and neighbors, traipsing through stores (most likely at the last minute) trying to find the perfect gift, and most importantly sharing the true meaning of the holiday with the ones I love.
To me the best part about the Holidays is passing on old traditions while establishing new traditions with my children. Some traditions we have established with our children is picking out and cutting down our own tree and making goodies with my sisters. Some of our old traditions include black Friday shopping early early early in the morning, and new pajamas on Christmas Eve. What are some of your favorite Holiday traditions?