November 14, 2010: The kids and I went to church. JR stayed home because he had worked the night before. Later that afternoon I went grocery shopping with my grandma and aunt.
November 15, 2010: Em had a dentist appointment and I took Addy to get her hair cut.
November 16, 2010: I spent the day doing laundry at my mom's because our washer was broken. Around 10 pm I began to have contractions.
November 17, 2010: 1 am: I called JR at work to let him know I was in labor. 3 am we arrived at the hospital. 3:20 am Our lives changed and our world was turned upside down when the doctor gave us the news. 5:05 am: Hudson Levi was born sleeping.
I have replayed these events over and over in my head trying to figure out if there was something I missed. Why didn't I notice something was wrong? While I remember these events so clearly the events after we got the news that he was gone are still a blur. The whole experience is still so surreal. Maybe it's better that way.
I think I allowed myself to understand the power my emotions would have over me the last few days. Part of me just wants to make the day go away but an even bigger part of me is excited to know that there will be a grand celebration in heaven.
We have made it a point to make this day special for the other kids. I think it is an important part of the healing process and they are excited about his "party" down here. Addy thinks we are having an actual party and has tried to invite everyone she knows. Emmaleigh has been writing letters and "helping" the younger kids write letters as well. I am amazed at some of the things her 7 year old mind comes up with. Here are some of the things she has written:
"happy birthday hudson. I love you Hudson. I miss you Hudson."
"God help Hudson I am good at school"
"I love you and miss you Hudson. You are a big brother. Our baby brother's name is Holden. He is cute and so are you. I will tell him about you."
(from Addy (but E wrote)) "I love you Hudson. I love God who you live with. I am your 5 year old sister Love Addy"
(from Landyn) "dear Hudson I like Munsters do you like Munsters (monsters)?"
Writing has become her outlet but I guess she gets that honestly.
Happy First Heavenly Birthday Hudson Levi!
Godspeed Little Man
Sweet Dreams Little Man
My love will fly
To You each night on angels wings
Godspeed, sweet dreams